Business Writing Tip Sheet: Aug. '07

Get to the point: state problem & solution

Start by concisely stating the problem and your suggested solution. You can then add more details if necessary.

Given the 15% rise in the number of client complaints last quarter, I suggest expanding training for the customer service staff.

Never write two sentences when one will do

Don't waste words and risk losing readers' attention by adding unnecessary sentences.

Two wordy sentences

Last week, the regional manager traveled to our southeast warehouse. During his visit there, he found dozens of defective parts.

One concise sentence

The regional manager found dozens of defective parts during his visit to our southeast warehouse last week

Don't hide powerful verbs

Verbs are the most powerful parts of speech in the English language, so don't hide them. Compare the "verb-nouns" in parentheses to the active verbs in bold.

The account reps need to (have an understanding of) understand our new products.
The CFO (has a tendency) tends to ignore emails not related to the bottom line.
I need you to (make modifications to) modify the annual report.

Grammar tip: that vs. which

Use that to convey an idea essential to the sentence, and which to convey a non- essential idea.

XY Industries is a vendor that always comes through for us.

Since the idea of "XY Industries always coming through for us" is essential to the sentence, use that.

XY Industries, which always comes through for us, just hired two news reps to service our account.

Since the main idea is XY Industries' hiring of two new reps, the idea that "XY Industries always comes through for us" is not essential to sentence. So use “which.”

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